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Thursday, April 7, 2011

Forgive and...Forget?

There are days when it seems that although the sun is shining, it is raining in our hearts. A broken heart is very much like a violent- personal storm. It seems that the only person feeling the thunder is ourselves. When a heart is broken, it is so much more than an emotional ache. It is like having a knife in your chest 24/7, and after you've worn out your tear ducts.. the closest you can get to crying is a constant nausea. Then comes the waking up from your first decent night's sleep in weeks... only to have reality hit you like a freight train. Following the 20 seconds or so it takes you to compose yourself, you plaster a smile on your face, and prepare to face a world that has run out of sympathy.  It isn't that they don't care, it's just that they have run out of the "right" things to say, not that it really made you feel any better anyways. Next comes facing the hundreds of reminders that bombard you throughout the day. A passing scent, a voice in a crowd so similar to the voice you loved that then broke your heart, a glimpse of a picture, someone in the distance who for a split second is not who they really are. Throughout all of this you make feeble attempts to cry out to the ultimate healer, but are so unsure of what to say, that after a while you just say nothing and ask for God to just hear your heart. What does he hear? Pain. Sorrow. Longing. Regret. Confusion. But beneath all of that hurt, he will hear the deepest and probably least admitted emotion of all... realization, and then slight relief. No one enjoys heartbreak, but it is true that sometimes a broken heart is God's way of rescuing you before you gave it all away to the wrong one. Why it is expected to eventually suck up all the pain and move on with life, a broken heart is never quickly healed. Forgiveness is key.. forgetting is a part that is should be analyzed. We should never forget the happy, or the things we learned. We should forget that anger and the deep gut-wrenching, makes you sick pain... but never forget what took you to that point.. or what pulls you out of it. Love is not ending, God never will break you heart. Healing is sometimes as painful, or more so than being hurt in the first place, but this is only so because of the transition that takes place. Finding love is a beautiful thing, and losing it is monstrous... but the rebuilding is a combination of the two. Alone, it would be an impossible task... but with God?  Oh, darling, it is so beautiful. It offers the chance to become new, to change yourself... to take a new step. the process is often agonizing, and takes much time, but in the gentle guiding hand of our precious savior, the ride is all worth the while. Don't give up.... and you don't need to forget... just grow.

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